It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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