Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
