Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
