we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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