We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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