why didn't you poke me back
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
