Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
