found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
