Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
