Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
