..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
