Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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