he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
