I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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