So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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