Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
