walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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