Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
