how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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