you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
