i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
