the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
