I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
