Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
