Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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