I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
