Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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