my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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