and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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