I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
