You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
