I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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