so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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