I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Vodka?
Forever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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