I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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