you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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