So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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