What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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