woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
