We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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