Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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