i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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