So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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