He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
