Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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