I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
