So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
