East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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