yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
