Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
