I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
