I think my fart just growled at me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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