Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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