there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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